somedays

it’s been three months and some days you don’t even think about him
some days you’re happy and you know you’re going to be okay
but some days it’s all you can do to get out of bed
and you leave the house just to be anywhere else
and you want to claw your eyes out because every time you close them you see his face
and you curse every time someone asks what happened between the two of you
and you stay busy because it takes him off your mind
and you swear you’ll never think of him again but he’s the first thing that comes to mind when you fall asleep at night
and you see his car when you drive by his house and you want to crash straight into it
and you know what he said three months ago
that he was filled with doubt and it was best to end it because maybe everyone was right about the two of you together
so why does it still feel like fire in your veins to see his name on your phone
and you can’t breathe when you run into him at the grocery store
maybe it was over for him but it still isn’t for you
and you hate yourself for keeping that bracelet he gave you
and for not deleting his number from your phone
and for falling in love with someone who so clearly couldn’t love you back

8-6-15

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