january

january 

It’s cold now and everything is grey. The trees and houses and sidewalks, all tinted in the same shade of sad as the clouds distort the light.

People don’t go out as much anymore. The days are short and the bitter winds keep us inside like bears in their caves for winter.

It won’t snow. The grey clouds tease us as they hold the only good aspect of winter, storing it and giving us rain instead.

Drifting. As the sun disappears for days on end, so does some part of us. My smile has faded, replaced with questioning eyes and a wondering heart. I try to focus but the grey skies have made my mind foggy. Suddenly I don’t remember what it’s like to dance with you or to watch the stars on a warm spring night. I’ve forgotten how the first flowers you surprised me with smelt. You don’t know what thoughts are in my heart as we sit silently on the couch.

Winter here is brutal. As we prepare for the long, cold, lonely months, I close parts of myself up. I don’t want to let the cold in. In avoiding the bitter chills of the season, I lose parts of you, pushing you away.

The candles in my small apartment cast drawn out shadows on the walls, distorting reality into something much larger than it is. The tapestries hang on the wall alongside the paintings and mirrors. Flowers we have long since forgotten to water sit on tables, withering slowly into dust. Games we never play and movies we never watch sit on the shelves.

I sit alone and write, waiting for something.

You’re away and I don’t miss you.

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