home

but when do we let go of the people closest to us? When is enough, enough? At what point, at what moment, do we cut ties? How many times do we let the same person break us before we walk away? I just don’t understand how someone who is supposed to love me always and take care of me and encourage me is one of the people who constantly makes me feel inferior, who makes me feel useless because I’m wrong, because I don’t agree with them. I’m selfish and when I come home, I want to feel safe and treasured. But something has changed and you don’t look at me the same way anymore. You don’t listen to what I have to say because you’ve written me off before I’ve even opened my mouth. You regularly ridicule me. Do you not think I hear you? Do you not think it counts because you’re just teasing? Am I being too sensitive? Is it unreasonable for a child to believe her father should encourage her and to be frustrated and hurt when he seems so intent on tearing her down? And I’ll never say these words to you. You’ll never hear them. Because you are a good father. You provide for your family and you treat us well. You’re a hard worker and don’t understand why things have to change, why ideas and opinions are all so different and wrong now. And you don’t like that every time I come home, it seems like my ideas are even farther from  yours. And you don’t know what to do with that. And so you shut me out. You make me feel stupid, as if I am a parrot, repeating the words of others. That no idea is my own and even if it is, it’s wrong because it isn’t yours. I’m glad I’m going back tomorrow. I’m glad we don’t have to sit through awkward dinners anymore, pretending we’re okay, knowing we aren’t. I just don’t know when this began, we used to be so close.