september 21

I am failing to draw near to the Lord. Life has become so busy that my mind is constantly racing. You cannot meditate and draw near to the Lord with a racing mind. I am desperately in need of Jesus to calm my soul, to slow me down. However, reading the word has not accomplished this goal. And so I will do what I love to do. I will write. And I will write about the Lord. I will write about what I read. I will learn to think about what I’m reading, to meditate, to know the Lord more fully, the only way that seems to work lately.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

I know these are precious words. I know they speak of a beautiful hope and tell me that Christ has chosen me. But my mind is so distracted. Last night, the son of one of my professors killed himself. I’m sad. But more than sadness, I’ve been extremely impatient today. I told my roommate and, after the obligatory 30 seconds of silent respect, she continued complaining about the bug bites on her legs. I mentioned something about it to my roommate who paused for less than five seconds before returning to her video game. This is a tragedy, can we not react accordingly? Can we not even feign grief? Can we not step back from ourselves for just a little bit of time to express sorrow at the loss of a life? When did we become so tragically stunted in our emotional capacity to express empathy?